Tag Archives: sex

Not single on Valentine’s Day?

12 Feb

Congratulations, you’ve found someone you can call your Valentine. Since we’re no longer in fourth grade, she’s probably going to expect a bit more than just one of those cute paper cards (although we really like those cards with cute animals or movie stars). Anyway, the date is approaching fast (aka Tuesday) so here are a couple last minute ideas about what you can do to make the day a little bit more special (although both of you should show that you appreciate each other on a day-to-day basis and you shouldn’t have to wait until a holiday to do that). Whatever you do will probably be clichéd – the whole day is formulaic, so there’s no point trying to fight it. This is the most clichéd holiday. Ever.

  1. Make a reservation at a nice restaurant. You might want to get a move on that, um, and soon. Because in case you haven’t noticed, a lot of couples go out to diner on Valentine’s. Everyone loves dinner, and this is a perfect excuse to skip a meal at a dining hall.
  2. Gifts – small gifts are nice. Like flowers and chocolate (duh). But also what about her favorite type of tea that she just ran out of? Or a new mug because her roommate broke hers? Or a book that she really wants? A nice piece of jewelry? Small, thoughtful gifts are sometimes better. Cards can be nice, but post-Valentine’s Day, she’s left with the awkward predicament of what to do with the card. Hang it on the wall? Put it in a drawer? Throw it out? If you go the card route, better make sure it’s a good one.
  3. Become a poet and write her a sonnet. Actually, never mind, that’s a bad idea. Unless you’re a really good poet. Because nothing is more awkward for her than pretending that she actually likes your verse when it’s really crap.
  4. Surprise her with a singing Valentine. Except she might be embarrassed if you give her said singing Valentine in the middle of a 400 person lecture.
  5. Have sex.
  6. Put a movie on and don’t watch it. Cuddle.
  7. Build a blanket fort and snuggle all night. Everyone loves a blanket fort.
  8. Just show her that you care about her.

And then of course, you could both have midterms on Wednesday and may feel like celebrating on a different date. That’s ok – taking the time out to celebrate your relationship is always a good thing. You don’t have to set off fireworks in the middle of Old Campus to show her that you care (in fact, that’s probably a bad idea). On the 14th, heartfelt wins over creativity (especially if that creativity potentially endangers the lives of fellow students, re fireworks).

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Opposites Attract?

7 Feb

So everyone knows that old saying that opposites attract, but what if you and your newest pal seem to be polar opposites? You support the Red Sox and she grew up with the Yankees? You’re part of the Yale College Republicans and she reads the Dems’ emails religiously? You’re a practicing atheist and she’s a devout Wicken? You would rather eat General Tsao’s tofu for the rest of your life than analyze Ulysses and she’s an English major? You spend your weekends reliving FOOT in East Rock and she doesn’t own a pair of shoes without a four-inch heel? Whatever your differences are, we think that you can have a relationship in spite of them (although if she believes in being completely nocturnal and you stick to a more diurnal lifestyle, you might have problems).

So how exactly do you work a relationship where you’re so different? The first thing is not to ignore those difference – talk about them (but remember to be nice and reasonable). Acknowledging the fact that she likes smooth peanut butter and you like chunky makes sure that there’s not elephant in the room whenever you are together. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around subjects just because you disagree – in order to have a working relationship where you’re on opposite ends of any debate, you need to understand where the other one is coming from.

A great way to avoid any awkwardness is to make a joke out of your differences. You love Hugh Grant movies and she’s a die-hard Bruce Willis fan (pun intended)? Look at you two, defying gender norms! Joking and (gentle) teasing alleviates the need to avoid topics. A solid relationship shouldn’t have taboo subjects, and by giving your great debate a light-hearted tone, you learn to laugh at yourselves. And other people won’t feel as if they have to avoid certain topics when they’re around the pair of you, which helps. Teasing is good for the soul.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you should always listen to what your significant other has to say whenever you’re talking about your divergent issue. Let her explain why exactly she prefers Sterling to Bass and don’t cut her off in the middle. Everyone hates being cut off, so don’t do it. Respond to what she’s saying, don’t just deliver your own point of view (this shows you were listening…but now we feel as if we’re giving instructions on how to participate well in section…but anyway). Conversely, she should listen and respond to you. Yay for civilized discussion! (and debating can be sexy, so hey)

So whatever the matter at hand, whether serious or silly, you can make it work, you’re just going to have to work at it.

The less-than-fun (but very important) side of sex

2 Feb

While the Yale community may be full of talented and bright individuals, this does not mean that we’re exactly as, um…healthy, as we should be. There are a couple things that you should bear in mind before you embark on any type of sexual adventure:

STI’s: they’re real, they exist and they’re on the Yale campus. (Sexually transmitted infections, for those of you bad at acronyms.) Ok, now that we’ve got that fact out of the way, we can have a more rational discussion. No one wants one, and no one wants anyone else to know that he/she has one. It is your responsibility – and maybe even your duty – to get yourself tested and to make sure that you are clean, so that when she asks you if you are, you can respond honestly. DUH offers free STI testing to all Yale students, even if they’re not part of the Yale Health Plan – so go and get yourself tested, especially if you are sexually active with a variety of people. What could be a better mood-booster during a stressful week than a negative test result? They don’t even show up on your bills, so your parents will never know. You don’t even have to go to DUH to get your test results back – they call you. What could be easier?! Best-case scenario, you know you’re clean and you now deserve to have a little extra spring in your step. Worst-case scenario, there is probably a way to treat whatever you’ve got, it’s ok and don’t be a dumbass in the future. Bacterial STI’s like chlamydia and gonorrhea can be cured while viral infections like hepatitis B and herpes can only be treated (i.e. they’re never going away). Therefore, it’s a good idea to get tested so that you don’t spread it further.

On a further STI note, before having sex with someone for the first time, it’s better to ask BEFORE and not AFTER if he/she is clean. You should also note that you can get an STI even if you don’t have sex. Not only can oral-anal and oral-genital transmission occur, but herpes, genital warts, and hepatitis B are not prevented bycondoms (they’re spread through skin contact so if your partner has a sore outside the area covered by the condom, you can be infected). Before things get R-rated, you might just want to take a breath to ask, “You’re clean, right?” and hopefully she’ll answer, “yes” without hesitation. You can also ask “Have you been tested?” This should get the message across. Similarly, she should ask if you’re clean and you MUST answer honestly. Remember, Hell hath no fury like a woman who just got herpes.

So here’s the good news. There a thing called protection – use it because it works (most of the time). There are multiple types of protection, some of which are more effective than others. Some types protect against STI’s while others protect against pregnancy (we call these contraceptives). Condoms protect against most STI’s and pregnancy, therefore, it is often a good idea to use a condom even if your partner is on birth control. This will protect against the STI’s and ensure that your partner does not end up pregnant. Good news! Condoms are easy to procure at Yale and FREE (hooray!). You can find condoms in College entryways, from Peer Health Educators and from FroCos. Don’t be embarrassed, get over it and ask for the f—ing condoms, you’ll be happy that you did. Sex is great, so what’s the big deal (just don’t be that idiot freshman boy who stockpiles condoms in his room but never uses any of them)? In addition, lubricants, dental dams, and female condoms are available for free at DUH, which means that you have to walk. Same message as before, get over it and walk to the extra 15 minutes to get your supplies: you’ll be happy that you did because those 15 minutes mean better, safer sex.

Also, you people in relationships out there, this applies to you too. Just because you’re having sex with the same person regularly, it doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Getting tested in the early stages of your relationship is a great way to put her mind at rest. If you’re cute like that, you could even make the trip to DUH together. We know that sometimes you don’t realize that you’re out of condoms until you’re “past the point of no return” but suck it up. Just once can be all it takes to turn you from care-free college boy into daddy-to-be. And in case you’re that stupid, THE PULLOUT METHOD ALONE IS NOT AN EFFECTIVE CONTRACEPTIVE.

So now that you’ve been told for probably the millionth time about protection, let’s have a cheer for happy and safe sex!

Sex in a Relationship

1 Feb

Sex in a relationship is, in our humble opinion, the best kind of sex for many reasons. Sex with a person you trust and care about is so much more intense than a random hook up. Sex with a person who knows what you like and just what to do to push you over the edge…ooh, we’re getting all warm just thinking about it. Trust us, guys who don’t want a relationship cause they’d miss the random sex are dumb. There are plenty of reasons not to want a relationship but that is not one. So yeah, relationship sex is awesome now maybe we should give some actual advice…

TALK! We cannot stress enough that communication is key. We here at the Man’s Guide are big fans of being frank (can you tell?) when it comes to talking about sex. Don’t be shy and for goodness sake don’t lie. This applies just as much, if not more, to women, so don’t think we’re putting it all on you guys to start the conversation. Talk about what you like, what you don’t, what you’ve always wanted to try, what you’d never want to try in a million years. It doesn’t have to turn into a performance review every time you have sex but saying something like “I liked it when you did that thing with your tongue” increases the chances that she’ll do it again. If she’s doing something you don’t like but you don’t want to kill the mood, just move her hand or pull her head up for a kiss or whatever. And if you tell her afterwards that you weren’t really feeling it, she’s not going to get mad, she’ll just be glad you told her.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. If it’s a big new thing, it’s a good idea to talk about it first and find out if it’s something she’d be interested in trying. But if it’s something small, it can be exciting to surprise her with something new out of nowhere. Encourage her to tell you her fantasises, and tell her yours. You never know, she might just buy herself Leia’s slave costume as a special Valentine’s Day treat for you.

Sex is an important part of a relationship and it should be enjoyable for both parties. That said, if she wants to try something that literally makes your insides shrivel up with fear and/or disgust, you don’t have to do it just to make her happy. Compromise, find a middle ground. Offer to try out something else that you feel more comfortable with. Explain what it is that makes you uncomfortable and why because she’s not a mind reader but she should know.

Keep things interesting. There are many types of sex and one of the great things about relationship sex is that you can have them all on a regular basis. Today you both might just really want wild, animal sex. Tomorrow you might be more in the mood for something steamy and intimate. Or the myriad of adjectives in between.

Also, sometimes she might not be in the mood. Or you might not be. It happens. It doesn’t mean she’s no longer attracted to you or anything, she’s probably just tired. Just because you’re in a relationship, don’t assume that you’re going to have sex every single night. It is always okay to say no, always. We would take this opportunity to give props to the boyfriend of the girl who posted on YaleFML to say that he asks for consent every time. Good man.

Sex should be fun and it doesn’t always have to be serious (actually, fyi, if she giggles when you’re inside her, we are reliably informed that it feels awesome) but a frank conversation once in a while can work wonders.

Yale Man’s Guide to Hook Ups

24 Jan

The very first rule of a hook up: don’t assume it’s going to end in sex. It might. But it might not. Just because a girl leaves Toads with you to go back to your suite, doesn’t mean she wants sex. Realistically, she’s not really super excited to see the paper you got published in the Yale Historical Review and things are probably going to get physical, but that does not mean she wants sex. She might want to make out, she might want to make out a lot, but don’t assume that means she wants to go further. But, you cry, how am I supposed to know? You don’t. Quite possibly, she hasn’t even decided yet. The best approach is every time you make a move to go further, ask “Is this okay?” If she says yes, you’re golden. If she says no, go back to whatever you were doing before. If you’re as good as you hope you are, you might just get her hot and bothered enough to make that very move on her own. This applies to you too. If you’re with a girl and you don’t want to go further, you don’t have to. Please don’t feel as though you’re violating some Guy Code or something stupid like that. Do not have sex just because you think you should.

As far as specifics are concerned: this is a hook up. That means she has absolutely no obligation to put her mouth anywhere near your penis. Nor should you feel obligated to go down on her. If you’re cool with it, more (tongue) power to you but giving oral sex to a person you’re probably seeing naked for the first time is not, nor should it be, expected. This also means that if she tells you she doesn’t want to have sex, it is not under any circumstances okay to say “It’s okay, you can just blow me instead.” For many women, giving a guy head is a way bigger deal than actual intercourse.

If you do end up having sex, yay! If it’s your first hook-up (or first time), relax. Don’t constantly ask if she likes what you’re doing; trust her to tell you if she doesn’t. Ladies: for God’s sake, speak up. If you don’t like something, tell him. If you like something, tell him! Don’t be too ambitious. Chances are, you haven’t known her long enough to find out if she’ll be able to get her legs into the position you saw in that porno that time (and unless your hook up is on the gym team or Yale Ballet, she probably can’t).

Afterwards, take your cue from her. Try not to kick her out at 4am, especially if it’s winter. It’s just good manners to let her stay the night. If she starts getting dressed in silence and doesn’t make eye contact, she probably wants to leave like, five minutes ago, so you should probably let her. But if she’s chatting while she starts scrabbling around for her panties and asking if you can see her bra, she’d probably like you to tell her she doesn’t have to leave.

Lastly, have fun. Hook ups are not supposed to be stressful. In fact, they’re supposed to be the opposite of stressful.

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