Tag Archives: love

Not single on Valentine’s Day?

12 Feb

Congratulations, you’ve found someone you can call your Valentine. Since we’re no longer in fourth grade, she’s probably going to expect a bit more than just one of those cute paper cards (although we really like those cards with cute animals or movie stars). Anyway, the date is approaching fast (aka Tuesday) so here are a couple last minute ideas about what you can do to make the day a little bit more special (although both of you should show that you appreciate each other on a day-to-day basis and you shouldn’t have to wait until a holiday to do that). Whatever you do will probably be clichéd – the whole day is formulaic, so there’s no point trying to fight it. This is the most clichéd holiday. Ever.

  1. Make a reservation at a nice restaurant. You might want to get a move on that, um, and soon. Because in case you haven’t noticed, a lot of couples go out to diner on Valentine’s. Everyone loves dinner, and this is a perfect excuse to skip a meal at a dining hall.
  2. Gifts – small gifts are nice. Like flowers and chocolate (duh). But also what about her favorite type of tea that she just ran out of? Or a new mug because her roommate broke hers? Or a book that she really wants? A nice piece of jewelry? Small, thoughtful gifts are sometimes better. Cards can be nice, but post-Valentine’s Day, she’s left with the awkward predicament of what to do with the card. Hang it on the wall? Put it in a drawer? Throw it out? If you go the card route, better make sure it’s a good one.
  3. Become a poet and write her a sonnet. Actually, never mind, that’s a bad idea. Unless you’re a really good poet. Because nothing is more awkward for her than pretending that she actually likes your verse when it’s really crap.
  4. Surprise her with a singing Valentine. Except she might be embarrassed if you give her said singing Valentine in the middle of a 400 person lecture.
  5. Have sex.
  6. Put a movie on and don’t watch it. Cuddle.
  7. Build a blanket fort and snuggle all night. Everyone loves a blanket fort.
  8. Just show her that you care about her.

And then of course, you could both have midterms on Wednesday and may feel like celebrating on a different date. That’s ok – taking the time out to celebrate your relationship is always a good thing. You don’t have to set off fireworks in the middle of Old Campus to show her that you care (in fact, that’s probably a bad idea). On the 14th, heartfelt wins over creativity (especially if that creativity potentially endangers the lives of fellow students, re fireworks).

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Opposites Attract?

7 Feb

So everyone knows that old saying that opposites attract, but what if you and your newest pal seem to be polar opposites? You support the Red Sox and she grew up with the Yankees? You’re part of the Yale College Republicans and she reads the Dems’ emails religiously? You’re a practicing atheist and she’s a devout Wicken? You would rather eat General Tsao’s tofu for the rest of your life than analyze Ulysses and she’s an English major? You spend your weekends reliving FOOT in East Rock and she doesn’t own a pair of shoes without a four-inch heel? Whatever your differences are, we think that you can have a relationship in spite of them (although if she believes in being completely nocturnal and you stick to a more diurnal lifestyle, you might have problems).

So how exactly do you work a relationship where you’re so different? The first thing is not to ignore those difference – talk about them (but remember to be nice and reasonable). Acknowledging the fact that she likes smooth peanut butter and you like chunky makes sure that there’s not elephant in the room whenever you are together. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around subjects just because you disagree – in order to have a working relationship where you’re on opposite ends of any debate, you need to understand where the other one is coming from.

A great way to avoid any awkwardness is to make a joke out of your differences. You love Hugh Grant movies and she’s a die-hard Bruce Willis fan (pun intended)? Look at you two, defying gender norms! Joking and (gentle) teasing alleviates the need to avoid topics. A solid relationship shouldn’t have taboo subjects, and by giving your great debate a light-hearted tone, you learn to laugh at yourselves. And other people won’t feel as if they have to avoid certain topics when they’re around the pair of you, which helps. Teasing is good for the soul.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you should always listen to what your significant other has to say whenever you’re talking about your divergent issue. Let her explain why exactly she prefers Sterling to Bass and don’t cut her off in the middle. Everyone hates being cut off, so don’t do it. Respond to what she’s saying, don’t just deliver your own point of view (this shows you were listening…but now we feel as if we’re giving instructions on how to participate well in section…but anyway). Conversely, she should listen and respond to you. Yay for civilized discussion! (and debating can be sexy, so hey)

So whatever the matter at hand, whether serious or silly, you can make it work, you’re just going to have to work at it.

Friend zoned or Relationship Potential?

6 Feb

Every woman is different. Surprise! So there is no sure fire way of knowing what those signals you think you’re getting actually mean. Does she want to hook up? Be your friend? Your girlfriend? Something in the murky in-between? Believe us when we tell you, we know it’s frustrating. We feel the same way about guys. In an ideal world, everyone would just come right out and say what they want, but alas, the rest of the world is not the Man’s Guide and don’t quite seem capable of that. So you must do your best to puzzle out just what it means when she texts you at 2am on a Saturday for no apparent reason or asks you to have lunch, hopefully with a little help from us.
There remains a large portion of the female population who (wrongly, in our opinion) believe that it is up to the man to make the first move. So she manoeuvres and manipulates the situation to give you every opportunity to make that move without ever indicating that she wants you to. Women, huh? Who’d want one? Well you, apparently, so listen up. Just do it if you want to, make a move that is. If you think you’re getting signals, but you’re not sure, it is okay to ask. If you don’t want to ask her directly, do some scouting with a close friend of hers.
You are allowed to some situation manipulation of your own. Invite her over to your suite to hang out and watch a movie or something and reach for her hand or put your arm around her. Her reaction is going to tell you pretty much all you need to know. If she pulls her hand away, she’s not interested (or just really hates hands, it’s a thing, we swear). The arm on the shoulders is a little harder to judge but a good rule of thumb is: if she pushes your arm off, she’s not interested; if she snuggles closer, you’re in with a shout. There is an annoying in between possibility where she doesn’t remove your arm but also doesn’t react to it, might be she’s trying to figure out what you mean by it.
Next step goes one of two ways, basically. She’s snuggled in and you move in for a kiss. Or, you tell her you like her and have a massively awkward conversation about how you both feel. We suggest the former, it’s much more romantic that way and then you can talk about what it meant, when there’s something to talk about.

Sex in a Relationship

1 Feb

Sex in a relationship is, in our humble opinion, the best kind of sex for many reasons. Sex with a person you trust and care about is so much more intense than a random hook up. Sex with a person who knows what you like and just what to do to push you over the edge…ooh, we’re getting all warm just thinking about it. Trust us, guys who don’t want a relationship cause they’d miss the random sex are dumb. There are plenty of reasons not to want a relationship but that is not one. So yeah, relationship sex is awesome now maybe we should give some actual advice…

TALK! We cannot stress enough that communication is key. We here at the Man’s Guide are big fans of being frank (can you tell?) when it comes to talking about sex. Don’t be shy and for goodness sake don’t lie. This applies just as much, if not more, to women, so don’t think we’re putting it all on you guys to start the conversation. Talk about what you like, what you don’t, what you’ve always wanted to try, what you’d never want to try in a million years. It doesn’t have to turn into a performance review every time you have sex but saying something like “I liked it when you did that thing with your tongue” increases the chances that she’ll do it again. If she’s doing something you don’t like but you don’t want to kill the mood, just move her hand or pull her head up for a kiss or whatever. And if you tell her afterwards that you weren’t really feeling it, she’s not going to get mad, she’ll just be glad you told her.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. If it’s a big new thing, it’s a good idea to talk about it first and find out if it’s something she’d be interested in trying. But if it’s something small, it can be exciting to surprise her with something new out of nowhere. Encourage her to tell you her fantasises, and tell her yours. You never know, she might just buy herself Leia’s slave costume as a special Valentine’s Day treat for you.

Sex is an important part of a relationship and it should be enjoyable for both parties. That said, if she wants to try something that literally makes your insides shrivel up with fear and/or disgust, you don’t have to do it just to make her happy. Compromise, find a middle ground. Offer to try out something else that you feel more comfortable with. Explain what it is that makes you uncomfortable and why because she’s not a mind reader but she should know.

Keep things interesting. There are many types of sex and one of the great things about relationship sex is that you can have them all on a regular basis. Today you both might just really want wild, animal sex. Tomorrow you might be more in the mood for something steamy and intimate. Or the myriad of adjectives in between.

Also, sometimes she might not be in the mood. Or you might not be. It happens. It doesn’t mean she’s no longer attracted to you or anything, she’s probably just tired. Just because you’re in a relationship, don’t assume that you’re going to have sex every single night. It is always okay to say no, always. We would take this opportunity to give props to the boyfriend of the girl who posted on YaleFML to say that he asks for consent every time. Good man.

Sex should be fun and it doesn’t always have to be serious (actually, fyi, if she giggles when you’re inside her, we are reliably informed that it feels awesome) but a frank conversation once in a while can work wonders.

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