So about last night…

4 Feb

So you hooked up. Good for you, hope it was fun, hope you were safe. Like many of our posts, this applies to all Yalies be they male, female, or other. If you find yourself in waking up in a foreign bed on Sunday morning, it could be awkward. As your eyes adjust to the sunlight pouring in through the curtains—and you maybe perceive a pounding in your temples and are maybe struggling with names for a moment—you might be wondering how much longer you are obliged to stay in that inconveniently small Yale bed. If it’s past 8, you’ve got every right to wake up your new friend from last night. Under no circumstances should you try to sneak out and leave your bedfellow asleep. That’s just plain rude. Try a gentle shoulder shake. No one likes morning breath, and chances are you didn’t brush your teeth last night, so don’t try to fit in some making-out. Make your exit without much fuss, a quick peck is fine, but leave it at that. Now is not the time to have an extended conversation about you want to do next.

After you’ve made your walk of shame—or stride of pride as the case may be—back home, and hopefully taken a shower, consider what you want the next step to be. Do you want something more to come of this hookup? Maybe you just want to be friends because said Yalie is super cool, or maybe you are hoping for a little more romance. You have a limited window to make the next move. Whatever you are hoping for—or not—you owe it to your fellow Yalie to make sure you don’t have a future I’m-pretending-I-don’t-see-you-so-you-don’t-notice-me-even-though-we-hooked-up-that-one-time moment in the dining hall. If you’ve seen a Yalie naked before, under no circumstances can you just leave off contact (unless it was at a naked party, but that’s different). Common courtesy demands you make contact, and sooner rather than later. Five days of silence just isn’t acceptable.

Later in the day, why not send a text along the lines of, “Hey Yale Person, hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if you’d like to grab coffee later this week?” If you were too busy having fun the night before to get Yalie’s number, try Facebook; email is weirdly business-like for this sort of thing. Make a date to get coffee, which doesn’t come with any of the implications of lunch or dinner. Make sure you plan to meet at a place where you’re not going to be disturbed by every person you know. That means hipsters: why not try Blue State instead of JoJo’s or Book Trader. Architecture and Art history majors skip Willoughbys this time and make your way to Atticus. Sillimanders don’t even think about Blue State on Wall, take the trek to Koffee instead. Keep in mind that everyone listens to other people’s conversations in coffee shops, and since honesty is key in whatever conversation you have, stay away from familiar territory.

After you’ve made your coffee date, make sure you show up. If you’re hoping that something along the lines of romance will come from this date, offer to pay for Yalie’s coffee. If you’re just hoping to be friends, it’s fine to pay for yourself. While you might have passed time waiting in line pondering which of Blue State’s weirdly flavored scones you’re going to have this time (Mint chocolate chip? Curry cranberry?), when you sit down, you are—gasp—actually going to have to have a conversation. Make it clear up front what you are looking for: a hook-up, a friend, another date. Starting the conversation with that “About last night” subject keeps Yalie from guessing your aim for the next hour or so. Don’t be presumptuous and make a grand declaration that you hate to be a disappointment, but you’re not looking for a relationship. Instead say, “I just wanted to let you know, I’m (not) looking for…” Whatever you say, your fellow Yalie will be glad that at least you were upfront with your wishes. Just as you want your desires to be heard, make sure to hear Yalie’s point of view too; even if you think you’re going to marry him or her, said Yalie may just have been looking for something casual.

Sure you may not get everything you want out of coffee, but at least this way you don’t have to whip out your phone every time you pass that Yalie on the street and pretend to be madly texting a friend (yes, we know that trick by heart now). We’re not saying you have to be besties—although you may be—but at least you can avoid the awkwardness that everyone bemoans.

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