Asking a Yale woman out (nicely)

24 Jan

Ok, so now you’ve an idea in mind for the perfect date and here comes the hard part – asking her out. We will begin with the claim that yes, women can be terribly frustrating and opaque about what they want. We even have the annoying habit of being afraid to say no, even when we want to say no and therefore respond with a pathetic sort of excuse. However, most girls are actually receptive to dates, especially since dates are relatively uncommon at Yale. It’s nice to have some attention lavished upon you from time to time, so bear this in mind (it’s working in your favor. Many girls have hooked up a lot, but never been on a date and are therefore curious as to what a date would be like). We’ve broken down the process for you.

Step 1: The Asking. Be casual, be cool, but still appear interested. No one is going to say yes to a guy who looks like he doesn’t care about the answer. You can ask in person, but sometimes this could be very nerve-racking and she might be turned off by the sweat collecting on your brow and your wide-eyed panic. If the thought of asking her in person is too terrifying, send a text. If you’re sending a text, use full sentences and punctuation, no abbreviations. It’s always best to air on the side of formality. A sample text might read, “Would you like to get lunch with me on Friday?” Suggesting a time or date shows that you have something in mind, which shows that you planned the asking, which shows that you care (that’s good). Saying things like “I would like to take you out to dinner on Saturday” clearly indicate that THIS IS A DATE.

Now, of course, if you don’t have her number, you’re going to have to ask in person (you could also send an email, making sure that you spell her name right, but this can come off as a bit impersonal). To ask in person, make sure that she is alone. Having her entire circle of friends nearby to witness the event will make both you and her uncomfortable. Don’t start off with the question, but stop her and ask her how she’s doing. After a couple minutes of chitchat, ease into the question naturally, with something like, “I was wondering if you’d be interested in going for a picnic on East Rock with me on Saturday?”

Step 2: Her response. If she says “Yes, that would be lovely! What time?” you’re all set. Just try not to look too taken aback that she actually said yes because then she’ll probably want to reconsider her decision. If she says no, flat out (and we hope for your sake that she does so nicely, but we can’t guarantee) it’s not the end of the world, we promise. You can give up and move on (remember, you’re a Yale man, it’s ok!) or you can try again (at a later date, of course). Sometimes persistence can be perceived as endearing and cute (this is a good thing as long as you’re not creepy about it). Now we come to the third type of response: the ambiguous maybe. If she offers an excuse, she could be saying no, or she could actually have a real conflict. Do not give up or think the worst. You should probably ask again, or suggest a different time. The maybe might mean that she needs a little extra persuasion, and you should consider what exactly is making her be unclear. Are you too close a friend? Did you hook up with her best friend? Are you in section together? Did she just break up with her long-distance boyfriend of 6 years? If you suggests a few alternate dates/times and she still seems wary, she probably wants to say no, but can’t think of a way to say it. In this instance, let her know that it’s no big deal. “No worries” or “maybe some other time” take the pressure off her and should diffuse any awkwardness. Above all, if she says no or maybe, try not to look upset or annoyed, this does not reflect well on you, and don’t just walk away. If it seems appropriate, just carry on the conversation, otherwise, say a friendly goodbye or see you later.

Good luck!


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