Yale Man’s Guide to Romance

22 Jan

News flash. Girls like romance. Earth shattering stuff, huh? And if you think you’ve found the one girl at Yale who thinks romance is dumb. You’re wrong. Romance isn’t just Candy Hearts and Flowers (the stuff she thinks is dumb), it’s figuring out what matters to her. There are different kinds of Romance too.

1.The Big Romantic Gesture

This should be used sparingly and carefully. Anniversaries? Yes. Our Second Tuesday Together? No (See – The Small Romantic Gesture). Be wary of using the BRG as a form of apology. If she comes to associate BRGs with you having fucked up in some way, she’ll assume you have something to apologise for every time, even if you don’t. Also, do not pull out the BRG too early! This should really be reserved for when the relationship can realistically be called long term. Think 6 months+. You don’t want to scare her off by being overly intense too soon.

When planning your BRG, try to take her interests and personality into account. If she hates getting dressed up, dinner and dancing probably isn’t for her. Similarly, the BRG is not the time to introduce her to your passion for extreme sports or LARPing. It should be about her and showing her how much you care. This might mean a trip to the firing range. Or a night at the opera. Or going to a strip club. Or a picnic and poetry on East Rock.

Be creative, be thoughtful and good luck!

2.The Small Romantic Gesture

The SRG is for more every-day displays of affection than the BRG. Want to commemorate your Second Tuesday Together? This is the gesture for you. It should, as the title suggests, be small. That means it should not occupy a whole day or cost you a fortune. The SRG should be adorable and, you guessed it, thoughtful. Is she really stressed out with classes? Suggest a 30 minute study break and give her a massage or bring her favourite Claire’s cupcake to her in Bass. Is she sick? Do a quick Rite-Aid run and bring her a little care package (think: tissues, Nyquil, chocolate and trashy magazines). Again, be thoughtful, and tailor your SRG to her specific interests and needs. Nothing will make her happier than the “he remembered!” feeling she’ll get when you do something she mentioned in passing 2 weeks ago.

3.The Romance of the Every-day.

By no means assume that romance should be reserved for special occasions. There is a place for it in the day-to-day of relationships too. This doesn’t mean you should be bankrupting yourself by bringing her roses every morning, this kind of romance is subtler, and ultimately more special, than all the Gestures (Big or Small) combined. This is the romance which remembers what she takes in her coffee and the names of her close friends. Knowing her schedule and not putting unreasonable demands on her time. Showing up to meet her after her shift at the Buttery to walk her back to her suite. Remembering when she has a big interview or a midterm and asking how it went. You might think these are little things, but trust is, she notices every one. She also notices what you say. Tell her she looks pretty today, or that her hair smells good. Tell her you miss her when you’re apart. Tell her you want her when you’re together. And when the time is right, whether that’s at the end of a BRG or sitting on the futon watching Comedy Central, tell her you love her

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